Caramel Baloney

jonathan-cunningham:

“So how can I have sympathy for anti-porn feminists? Only because I remember how I felt just a few years ago. I remember that I felt so confused about my own sexuality; I remember how resentful I felt, that sex seemed so easy for men—that the world seemed to facilitate their sex drives so thoroughly, particularly by providing all this porn!
I remember how hurt I felt by porn, because I believed that it represented “what men want”, and that therefore I was “supposed” to act like porn women—even though the way women acted in porn didn’t appeal to me at all. I remember how scared I felt, when I believed that rape porn reflected “all men’s desires”, and concluded that “all men secretly would love to commit rape”. The porn that I’d seen felt as though it set the standard for my sexual behavior, and I hated that standard, but I didn’t see a way out. Because even with all my liberal, sex-positive sex education, there were serious flaws in my knowledge about sex. Not to mention the fact that I hadn’t yet wrapped my mind around the concept of fully-negotiated, 100% consensual rape fantasy sex.

And that’s really the heart of the problem with porn: that is, the problem is not porn in itself at all. The problem is bad sex education. The problem is that all Americans are subjected to sexual mores that shame sex; that refuse to talk honestly about sex; that claim we shouldn’t be having sex at all. The problem is that millions of people are too ashamed and afraid and repressed to talk or think seriously about their sexual desires. That millions of people don’t recognize the diversity of sexual desire. And, therefore, that millions of people’s primary source of information about sexuality is highly stylized mainstream porn.”

— Sympathy For the Anti-Porn Feminists | CarnalNation (via sexisnottheenemy)

Those poor, clueless anti-porn feminists are just ashamed of sex and uncomfortable with their own sexualities. So different people have different sexual desires, and there are different types of porn out there? Time to reevaluate everything in light of this refreshing insight.

Is the problem that anti-porn feminists remain uneducated in a society that shames sex, and that they react negatively to depictions of ‘freaky’ sex? The author really only refers to rape fantasy porn. While porn viewing may not increase sexual violence toward women, rape cannot be 100% consensual by definition. A man fantasizing about rape is not fantasizing about a consenting woman, and a woman fantasizing about rape is more likely a sub fantasizing about complete domination. This is different from rape; women don’t get to choose their rapists. She’s not likely considering the leering STD-ridden uncle. So it seems reasonable that some feminists might have a problem with rape porn.

Is the problem instead that anti-porn feminists mistakenly believe mainstream porn represents all male desire? Of course different people have different desires, but those highly stylized images of women wouldn’t be ubiquitous if there weren’t a large demand. Positive feedback can create even larger demand from people repeatedly viewing those images. It’s possible that men viewing mainstream porn don’t transfer unrealistic desires to their partners. However, those women drastically altering their bodies and behaviors must be feeling pressure from somewhere, and it seems unfair to suggest that the fault lies only with them and their insecurities.

Or is the problem that everyone is uneducated about sex, and they thus take misguided cues from unrealistic mainstream porn? In that case, it only follows that porn is acceptable when everyone receives comprehensive sex education elsewhere. Furthermore, in a society that continually finds it funny to strip women of humanity, is the commoditization of women appropriate, even when consensual? One thing porn can do is enable both men and women to view uninvolved women as sex objects without their consent:

These findings are also consistent with a wide range of work showing that objectified women are perceived as less competent. Interestingly, research even finds that when men view sexualized pictures of women, they subsequently view a female experimenter as doing a worse job. In other words, men “carried over” their views of the sexualized women to another woman, who was not scantily dressed. (source and references)

If we actually lived in an egalitarian society, where women were truly viewed as social and intellectual equals, and their worths weren’t primarily judged by appearance and sexual potential, then all kinds of consensual porn would seem perfectly acceptable. But we don’t. Not yet.

Source: carnalnation.com